I'm a smut writer

I know I'm in trouble when Scott likens my short story to V.C. Andrews. It's true, it's trash. Smut - dirty, dirty sex and sexy, sexy dirt in 13 pages of a class assignment. What is wrong with me? I am going to try my hand a more appropriate story tonight. Stay tuned.

Paging Dr. Carleigh

I often find myself day dreaming about what it is I really want to do with my life. I'm reading a new book right now, People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks, and early in the first part is a brief description of the protagonist's educational life, as relative to her mother's: "I realized a long time ago that she would never respect me for choosing to be a repairer of books rather than bodies. For her, my double-honors degrees in chemistry and ancient Near Eastern languages might as well have been used Kleenex. A masters in chemistry and a PhD in fine art conservation didn't cut it, either. 'Kindergarten work,' she calls it, my papers and pigments and pastes. 'You'd be through your internship by now,' she said when I got back from Japan. 'At your age I was chief resident' was all I got when I came home from Harvard."

I'd like to think I'm stupidly ambitious. Anyway, this passage got me thinking about my own nature and ability and I thought, "well shit, I ought to be a doctor in something." Sometimes I can't tell if I'm honestly smart or stupidly arrogant. I'm at least confident it will all come out a wash in the end.

Here's to my upcoming doctorate.

To Elucidate

I guess I've got to start writing again. I've got a writing crush on someone at work and so I took a class just to impress. I love to justify my actions based on extrinsic motivations when really, I know, everything I do is intrinsically motivated, pushed along to please myself. Please, please, please myself.

Being a woman is difficult for many reasons. Today I ran into a well-familiar friend: the immeasurable guilt I feel for being my true self, a bitch. I'm a HBIC-type but I apologize and try to sweep up after my natural Shiva-the-destroyer tendencies with a broom of niceties and smiles. All the while I am thinking, "geez, you really are that stupid."